A Reflection on a Lost Friend

Hey Randy,

Happy Birthday.  It's been 10 years since your last birthday.  I have to say, I miss you.  Everyone you ever knew misses you.  You were a great person and a great friend.  Today, however, is a day to celebrate your life that was, not mourn the life that never will be. You were an inspiration and a source of strength for a lot of people.  I'm not sure if you knew that  or not.  You were one of those rare people that made everyone around them better.  Maybe I'm romanticizing your life a little bit.  We have a tendency to do that.  At the time, it felt like kids being kids.  Looking back, though it's easy to see the joy you brought to our group.

Everyone we picked up to our circle over the years had their place.  I'm not sure how other people feel but that group of friends was probably the greatest group of friends I ever had.  I don't know that I ever told you this but when our little group first formed, it felt like we were our own little ninja turtles group.  Russell was the leader, Matt was the short tempered one, I was the nerdy one, and you were the goofy fun one.  I remember at first you were a bit of a tag-a-long, being 2 years younger than the rest of us.  That didn't last long, though.  You quickly became an essential part of our play group.  All those adventures in the tree house, the camping trips, the sleep overs, the summers spent swimming, the bows and arrows, hide and seek, playing  fox tail, rides around the block in the tractor, trips to six flags, trips to wet n' wild.  The four of us had some great times.

The size of our group changed, Matt moved or spent time at his mom's.  Frank coming over was always a special occasion.  Craig was in our little group for a while, with his awesome trampoline.  Then middle school hit and our group started to gain people left and right.  I think Josh was the first one to really become a regular part of our adventures, then over time we added Bryan, Lana, Brandon, Ashley and Becky.  Every single one of them brought their happiness and unique personalities to our group.  The constant thing though was just having a great time.  No matter what we had going on in our lives, when we came together things were good.  Even when the problems with our lives were the people in our group, it seemed that those problems got thrown to the wind when we all came together.

You will always be missed and you will always leave a hole in my heart.  The only reason, though, that you can possibly be as missed as much as you are, is because you brought so much to the table when you were here.  I loved the times we had together and I will never forget how good they were.

Happy Birthday, my friend.

An introduction to one of my passions....

Hello All,

Your friendly neighborhood husband blogger, here.  So Tracey has been bugging (read: lovingly suggesting to) me to write another blog post.  It's taken me forever to figure out what I could possibly write about.  She suggested I write about music, since I'm so passionate about it.  That struck me as a great idea, but the more i dove into it, the harder it got to do.  I think, though, that I have finally settled on writing a series of posts about various things that I'm passionate about.  So with that, I think we'll start with a general overview of why I like music and why I say if you're open to it you can find something to appreciate in any genre of music.

What makes music so great?  At the end of the day, there are a finite number of notes in the human hearing range.  The magic lies in how those notes are arranged.  I know on a conceptual level everyone gets that.  Everyone has their favorite genre of music.  Most people like music similar to what was popular in their teens.  There are several reasons for this and this article has a good explanation of it. (Also, Cracked.com is hilarious)


7 Reasons you'll end up just like your Parents

If you weren't exposed to lots of different kinds of music back in your teens, it may be too late for you, but I'd challenge you to try new music when you get the chance.

Music is very evocative.  You might not think about it much, but you hear it all the time.  People will put on their favorite music to relax or to inspire them.  Sometimes if they want to get in the right frame of mind they put on a particular type of music.  There's a reason we don't refer to screaming metal as "romantic."   Music is one of the few human sensory inputs that described as things like mellow, sad, droll, happy, jumping, lively, soaring.  There are so many ways to describe a given piece and everyone receives it differently but there are commonalities that can force people to feel a specific way.  Movies use this to great effect (well the ones with a good score.)  I tried to point this out to a room full of people watching a movie one time because it struck me so vividly, but it didn't really go over too well.  Check out this clip of the title screen to the new Star Trek movie and let's talk about it after.

(I was going to embed the video from YouTube but embedding has been disabled)

Star Trek Title Sequence

Notice how it starts with just these quick high notes.  It starts to evoke a sense of anticipation as the image fades out.  As the picture fades completely you get your first hint of percussion.  As the titles start to fade in and you can see the side shot of the Starfleet emblem, the percussion comes in a little heavier underneath some accent notes that are added into the mix.  Like I said before the anticipatory feeling was already building by adding in accent notes along with a hint of what you are about to see visually it cranks up that anticipation but subtlety letting you know you're getting close.  Then the notes drop out of the mix and your left with only percussion.  The music is letting you know, "this is it."  Then just as all the letters become visible and the symbol gets to a quarter turn, the music let's loose with this sweeping, soaring main theme.  That contrast from the previous style of short notes to this new style of long notes evokes a feeling of majesty and a sense of an epic scale.  It holds that feeling for a few seconds and then goes back to the shorter notes that promise action and adventure.   Regardless of your feelings of the rest of the movie, these 35 seconds or so have just made a promise to you of what you are about to see and it's up to the rest of the movie to live up to that promise.  When a score is done right by a competent person, these things are very thought out and measured.  Score composer do your best to force you to feel the way the director wants you to feel about any given scene. What other medium has that kind of power?

I don't think this will be my last post about music. In fact, it may become a regular thing to dissect a given piece that i find particularly enjoyable.  I'm not really sure.  I want to leave you with a song that just makes my music heart happy.  The song is called "The Humbling River" by Puscifer.  For those of you not familiar with musical jargon, I'd like to take second to explain at a overview level what a couple of things are.  For you who do know music, yes I'm oversimplifying the concepts, but I don't care.  Melodies are the familiar part of songs.  They're the sequence of notes at the forefront.  Generally their the notes you sing when you're singing a song.  A Harmony is an accompanying line of notes written in the same rhythm and pattern but using different notes that complement (hopefully) the notes in the melody.  A harmony can make a melody sound happy or sad.   A counter melody is similar to a melody in that it is a series of notes, but they are generally a different rhythmic pattern sung in the background of a melody.   What this song does so beautifully is it gives you a melody over and over. Eventually it gives you a second melody. It's very similar to the original melody but it has a slight difference in the length of notes or syllables.  To emphasize the difference there is also a harmony thrown into it.  Then the brilliance happens, the thing that pushes this song from pretty to beautiful.   They bring the first melody back as a counter melody and underlay it beneath the new melody and add harmony to it as well.  The technicality needed to pull this off is mind blowing.  This is a master crafting a song.  I really don't have enough words to express how great this is.

Enjoy






Peace,

Why I Knit...

There isn't a lot of money in knitting, in case you were wondering. I pretty much make enough money to support my addiction to buying yarn. Here are some reasons why I'm addicted to fiber. 


1. The feel of yarn in my fingers. 
If I had a lot of money, it would probably all go to luxurious silk, organic cotton, and lamb's wool handpsun yarn (and diapers, too, but that's another story). I'm obsessed with squishing large skeins of freshly purchased yarn between my fingers. Even acrylic yarn can be incredibly soft, so it's almost like clutching the poofiest of kittens whenever you want for however long but it won't bite you. Oh, and if it's wool...I smell it too. I love the smell of sheep hair in the morning, Gah!  What is wrong with me?!

I need this.

2. Making something out of practically nothing. 
With just one circular needle and a ball of yarn, I can make pants. What's that? The baby needs a new sweater? Oh, ok let me just KNIT A FREAKIN SWEATER with some yarn I found for $1 at the thrift store. You can even make a bunch of something from a bunch of yarn and use the leftovers from each color to make a whole other beautiful stripey something. Oh, and the possibilities are endless...they can range from the most practical to the most useless waste of your time. But hey, that's your prerogative. 

The work of an NYC "gang" called Knitta Please.

3. Instant sense of accomplishment.
I'm a forever newb. I have a lot of trouble committing to anything if I don't get some results relatively quickly. That being said, I get a hell of a lot of results from knitting. You see, when you first learn to knit, you start with something basic and rather small. Usually a scarf. First time might take you a few days, but you will have something to show for your hard work when you're done! You will become vastly better at knitting after completing just one piece. So, you move on to something a little harder, learning more techniques and before you know it...BAM. You are cranking out fancy stuff and conquering the challenges of Short Rows and Intarsia. 


4. My sanity. 

5. My Olive.

Gosh, there is just nothing more rewarding than seeing someone wear my knitty things. To make it even better, imagine seeing the squishy little Pride and Joy crawling around in them. Melts my heart! 

My Olive modeling the first hat I ever made. She made that ugly hat look good!

 That's all I can think of, for now. I will leave you with a glimpse of my hopefully not-future...

Don't worry, this is not my arm. 

Feeding my Family

Recently, I found myself staring at my open fridge, as I usually do, trying to find some inspiration for dinner that night. Do I want spaghetti...or something quick, like pizza? This is what my diet has become. *Please note: When I say "diet" anywhere in this post or blog, I'm referring to my food choices as a whole, not some calorie-restricting health kick, or something* Anyways, back to the debacle that is my culinary repertoire. When I wanted something "healthy" I went for a frozen chicken breast with rice-a-roni. Yeah, I'm not ignorant, I know how bad that is. But compared to what I usually made, that is healthy. I had gotten lazy about my eating habits. So there I was, staring at the fridge and I thought, "This is pathetic. I don't have any fresh produce. My pantry is filled with preservatives and corn syrup. How the heck am I supposed to be this shining example for my daughter and husband (whom I frequently pester about eating right) when I can't even make one single meal that is actually GOOD for you? 


Challenge Accepted. 

My first attempt at "healthy" was a lighter take on chicken enchiladas. I used whole wheat tortillas, shredded chicken, salsa with low-fat ricotta as the sauce, I added brown rice, zucchini, onions, and corn. I topped it off with a sprinkle of shredded cheese.  

Tasted pretty good.

 Overall, it wasn't a totally healthy meal, but at least I got some veggies in there and cut out a lot of the cheese that normally would have smothered it to death. Added bonus: my husband actually enjoyed them. This is a crowning achievement in the Johnson household, since he is the pickiest eater I have ever known. He says he "hates Mexican food"...the dude is half-Mexican. Explain that. 

Guy enjoying some healthy tofu tacos I made!

I surfed some health blogs, watched some documentaries, the most noteworthy being "Forks Over Knives". I didn't love it for it's scientific accuracy (kinda dubious) but more for its overall message that a diet of whole, unprocessed plant foods can bring remarkable health improvements if you are used to eating a high-crap diet. That's something you can really take to heart. (for more info on this stuff see this woman's website. Kinda densely worded, but s'good information.) 
So, I decided I was going to bring out the big guns. I'm talking about a mostly plant-based diet. What does that mean, you ask? Well, instead of designing my meals around the animal protein, I am designing them to pack as much goodness in as possible, by way of plants. I'm not reaching for the ground beef, I'm grabbing the crumbled organic tofu. I'm not buying any more animal protein. I'm spending my grocery budget on the freshest organic produce I can find, protein-rich legumes, and getting creative with it. 

New staples.

I'm also omitting cooking oils. I start my sauteing with a bit of water in the pan, adding onion first to draw out their liquid and cook with that. It's amazing how effective this method is. The vegetables turn out crisp, flavorful, and cooked just right. No added oils required. 

Tofu Taco filling. 

 My new menu for this week: 
Tofu Tacos
Whole wheat penne with tomato sauce (had some leftover lean beef) and spinach salad Vegetable stir fry
Stuffed Acorn Squash
Vegan Chili and Vegan Cornbread
Veggie burgers on a whole wheat bun with Sweet Potato Fries


It's only been a few days, so the jury is still out on how long this will last, but I'm hoping it sticks. I'm not letting the 1973 corn subsidy bill influence my food anymore. 


My very supportive husband is pretty much traumatized every night with all the new flavors he is being subjected to...but he eats it all. Gotta love him for that. 


I will be sure to update you all on how it pans out. Please offer us some encouragement! 

Please don't judge...

I have a secret. I didn't even want to believe it myself. But here it is...sometimes, I've resented my baby. The past 8 months of motherhood have been...interesting. I got off to a very shaky start, not because I didn't love her, but because every day was a struggle to meet her needs.
Most new moms worry about whether they will feel sexy or if they will get their pre-baby body back soon enough. I thought that would be the extent of my issues. Instead, I was dealt a hand of really shitty cards that included post-partum depression, breastfeeding issues (putting it mildly), health problems, and resentfulness towards, well, everyone. 


I was asked on many occasions if I felt any symptoms of post-partum depression, but I always said "a little..." I was kind of lying, to myself included. I felt like crap every single day.  I had a lot of post-partum bleeding, so I went on antibiotics. When Olive couldn't latch properly, I got thrush, which was worsened by the antibiotics. Trust me when I say, that shit is really freaking hard to get rid of. Then came the mastitis, which can only be described as sheer hellacious torture. I swear, every time I let down, it felt like a swarm of bees were hiding inside of my boobs, stinging me on the inside, trying to get out.


I wasn't able to nurse her properly, and I had no clue why. Every time she got hungry, I started crying. I was so scared to breastfeed her because I knew it would hurt like hell. I bled, I bruised, and we both ended up in tears. I would get so angry with my husband, as if it was his fault or because he wasn't feeling what I was feeling. This is the point when most mothers decide to bottle feed. I probably would have too, but I just knew there was some underlying issue that needed to be addressed. I clung so hard to the idea of having that picture-perfect breastfeeding experience that all of my friends were having, I wouldn't give it up. I ended up using a 'nipple shield', which I don't really recommend. While it was probably the only thing that got me through that period of agony, it was also incredibly hard to stop using. I went to a few different experts (lactation consultants, pediatric ENT doctor, etc) and I finally got my answer: she had a tongue-tie and a lip-tie. After it was corrected by a dentist who specializes in frenectomies, thanks to Joy at The Joy of This who recommended him, I was finally able to nurse her with zero pain! I thought it would transform her completely, but it didn't. I soon discovered that the needy, clingy, sensitive little baby was just who she was. I'm so thankful that I finally got the wonderful nursing relationship with my child, but at the same time I have to wonder...at what cost? I often wonder if she would be a happier baby if I had just let my milk dry up and gave her formula. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret sticking it out and getting her tongue-tie fixed, but I wish I had done it sooner, and I wish I hadn't let it get so bad before finding a solution. That's why I feel so compelled to help other new moms solve their breastfeeding issues before they reach that breaking point.


Some days, she is a sweet, happy little angel and we have the best time together. When we are around other people, she is actually pretty easy going, like she is putting on a show. But most days, even at 8 months old, our time together can be kind of a hair-pulling nightmare. I learned pretty quickly that Olive is the kind of baby that NEEDS a routine. She takes 2 and a half naps a day, in four hour cycles. If she skips a nap, it's the end of the world. She cries and cries because she's tired. Trust me, Olive can cry REALLY loud. I think she has the loudest cry I've ever heard. I know, I know, baby cries are always worse to their mother, but seriously...just ask my friends or family. She doesn't give any warning cry, it's just a blood curdling "WAAAAHHHHH!" The girl knows how to get my attention. She cries like this when she is hungry, when she is tired, when she is teething, when she is gassy, when she is constipated, if a noise is too loud, and so pretty much all the time. I've learned to deal, since she is kind of a high-needs baby and cries very easily. But sometimes, it really grates me down to a shell of a person.


 I'm sorry to anyone I have stood up or cancelled plans with, but I can't make commitments.  I'm sorry that I can't give my husband the clean house at the end of the day, like he deserves, because I can't guarantee that anything will get done. I have no idea what kind of day we will have even as it is happening. About 50% of the time, things go smoothly and I love my time with her as she is an absolute joy. But when I have to stay home and skip the fun outing I had planned with a friend, or I end up carrying her around the house literally ALL DAY, I feel kind of resentful. Then I hate myself for feeling that way, and it's just a spiral of sadness. 


Luckily, I have the most supportive husband and the best friends a stressed out mother could ask for. They are always there to cheer me up with a "this too shall pass" or reassure me that I'm doing a great job. My family is also a great help for the times when I just need to escape. My brave mother has gladly watched her when my husband and I want time to ourselves, even when she is a teething mess. My mother-in-law has done this for us, too, and I'm incredibly grateful to have her in my life. When they say "It takes a village to raise a child," they aren't kidding. 


So, there you have it. While I totally love being a mother and I absolutely love my "spirited" little Olive, I owe it to all future mothers to be totally honest in saying it can be true misery at the same time. I hope you don't think I'm terrible for saying that...

My Funny Valentine

Allow me to preface this post with the announcement that I enjoy Valentine's Day! Although, that could be because I am married, so I'm guaranteed to have a valentine. Honestly, though, I fall for all kinds of Valentine's Day gifts...from the heavy romantic gestures to the sweet little notions and all the "I love you's" in between. Yeah, I'm a big sap. And yeah, I'm proud of that. But you know what the best part is? I found someone who loves it too. He might not enjoy shelling out money on the occasional big gift, but deep down I know he believes in a thing called love and the day of celebrating it. It just might be the only holiday where we don't bicker. We set aside our squabbles and petty jabs to get cozy in our love nest. Now that you have thrown up, I digress...


Yesterday, I had one of the best meals ever cooked in my kitchen. The best part? I didn't even make it! The pickiest eater I have ever known (cough, GUY) was the master chef for Valentine's Day. I thought "ooh boy, let's see how this plays out..." since Guy has only ever cooked me about 10 meals, most of which were spaghetti or something frozen.


I attempted to make a very healthy version of blueberry muffins for breakfast, which tasted of cardboard and had the texture of week old bread. I'm sure they would have been delicious if I hadn't tripled the flour. 

Blueberry turd nuggets.

Lucky for me, Chef Guy Johnson was making Chicken Parmigiana and bread sticks, from scratch! There was absolutely nothing healthy about this meal, but who cares? It's Valentine's Day! This man worked his butt off. He started making the dough for the bread around noon. I didn't have to help one bit, other than verifying we had the ingredients. He even figured out how to use the Kitchen Aid mixer. By this time, I was falling in love with him all over again.


He flattened and breaded the chicken breasts perfectly...he rolled the dough into beautiful little bread sticks and baked them flawlessly. Even brushed them with butter and garlic salt. This is the beautiful meal my husband made for me...

Guy's chicken parmigiana with angel hair pasta.

Guy's handmade bread sticks.

The meal was followed by a bedtime routine for Olive, then Guy and I just hung out on the couch together. We shared a bowl of the chocolate mousse I'd made the previous day (ssshh it was made with tofu, don't tell Guy!) and we laughed as we watched some of our favorite TV shows together. It was a lot like every other night, with a few differences, but that's my ideal romantic evening. I love every day that I get to spend with my family, so just add a handsome chef in the kitchen and you have the perfect Valentine's Day! 

My funny valentines!

What did you do for Valentine's Day?

"No-Poo" How-To

"No-Poo" How-To

About 8 months ago, I was presented with the idea of never using shampoo to clean your hair. My first thought was "Eww." Then I read up on the subject and decided to do a little experiment. 
Recently, some of my friends were asking about how to start living the "no-poo" lifestyle. So, I thought I'd write up a kind of tutorial for how I made the transition. 


A quick lesson on how "no-poo" is better for you.
Most shampoos contain surfectants like Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS), which strips the natural oils from your hair, giving it that "squeaky clean" feeling we so often desire. Take a look at the ingredients on your shampoo bottle. If there is an ingredient that contains the word "sulfate", it is probably stripping your hair. The downside to this is that our sebaceous glands will start to overcompensate for the lack of oil, and produce an excess of sebum,  making your hair greasy. So, you start to shampoo more often, and this just makes things worse! If you are shampooing everyday, your glands will adjust to that level of oil production. Why would the shampoo industry put this stuff in their shampoo if it is so bad for your hair? Well, it's just smart business. Wouldn't you want your consumers to use more of your product?
So if you are thinking "I can't even go a day without shampoo, my hair gets so greasy!", I think your head would be the perfect candidate for a little "no-poo" therapy.


How to clean your hair without Shampoo 


All you will need to clean your hair from now on is baking soda and vinegar (apple cider or white). Don't worry, you won't smell like vinegar if you are rinsing properly. With this method, you should only have to clean your hair every 4 days max. Just brush out your hair between washes. I can go a whole week (don't worry, I still shower often). 

Yes, that's a 13 lbs of baking soda. 

Squirt bottle-you'll need 2.

For deep cleaning (once a month): Dissolve one tablespoon in enough water to create a paste. Apply this to your roots and let it sit for a moment. Then, start massaging your scalp, starting at the crown of your head, working upwards and out. Really focus on the area where your part lies. Lastly, scrub the remaining paste into the back of your skull and sideburn area. All this massaging will clean out the grime and stimulate blood flow. Be sure to scrub gently, as to not break the hair. 


For regular washing (only needed every 4 days): Put one tablespoon of baking soda in a squirt bottle (or an empty shampoo bottle!) filled with hot water. Note: you may need to experiment with different amounts of baking soda for your hair type. Mine can get pretty oily, so I use a bit more.
Anywho, squirt it into your roots, massaging it in as you go. You should really only use 1/4 cup of the mixture. After a good scrub, rinse it out thoroughly. It may feel like its not clean, but it is, you are just used to the "squeaky" feeling of shampoo. You may over wash your hair the first couple times. 


The rinse (about every other wash): I use the rinse after every wash, but you may find it to be too much. Pour one part Apple Cider or White Vinegar into another bottle with 4 parts water. Squirt this into the ends of your hair and rinse promptly. Rinse it very thoroughly...you're done! 

See? Just as clean as shampooed hair!

Please keep in mind there is a transition period of about 1 month. To offset this, try adding a bit of Dr. Bronners castille soap to your wash bottle. Try the kind with lavender or tea-tree for some extra goodness! Just be sure to phase it out of your wash, otherwise your hair won't adjust to less frequent washing. 


I love not having to buy shampoo ever again. I'm just cheap like that. BUT...If you find this all to be too much of a change for you, try just switching to a sulfate-free, paraben-free, shampoo and conditioning system. They cost a bit more, but your hair will thank you! 

Happy scalp!

Trouble with "no-poo"?

• "My hair is frizzy!" -use less baking soda or add some honey. 
• "My scalp is itchy!" -massage some essential oils into your scalp after cleaning. Try tea-tree, rosemary, or lavender. 
• "My hair is greasy!" - you are using too much vinegar. Try using the white vinegar if you were using Apple Cider vinegar. Or use lemon juice instead.